Putting your big rocks in first is about prioritising the important things in life. Imagine each day is a beach bucket, a finite size and shape. What we put in it makes up what our day becomes. The bigger rocks represent things that are going to make an impact on your whole life, the medium rocks are the ‘busy work’ priorities and the small grains of sand are notifications, emails, and ‘bitty’ stuff. If the sand goes in first, then, que surprise, there ends up being no room in the bucket for the big life goals. This can be a timeless metaphor for life.

Why are rocks, and mornings, important? 

There is a saying that if you do not have a dream, you will spend your whole life fulfilling someone else’s. This is poignant when in a world of infinite possibility, lightning speed technological advances, and more activity options each day than a person can do. It is no longer about getting the whole list done, it is about choosing what we say no to, so that we can say yes to what we choose to have in our lives.  The more we get better at saying no, the more self-directed our life becomes. The trouble is, most of us want to please each other, so we often sacrifice our own life goals, for the sake of pleasing other people. If we are not careful to be intentional, over time we’ll become disillusioned, despondent, and even nihilistic about having dreams at all!

So what is important to you? Do you diarise it? Do you literally schedule it into your calendar regularly? If not then how do you expect to progress? If so then is it when your energy is high, or low? If you end up repeatedly not getting around to it then of course it goes down hill! Right? Perhaps its skill at a hobby, or time for our relationships, or money worries that you ignore because you hope it will solve itselt! I’m not having a go at you. I’m flagging up that so often what we think of as important is the last thing that is diarised. Or we expect ourselves to do it at the end of a long day when we have little or no mental energy left. 

So my challenge to you is this – if you want to progress in something, put some time into it first thing when you wake up in the morning. This can be anything from putting quality time into your relationships, learning to play an instrument, writing a book, fitness training or practicing handstands!

In the wize words of a cult classic movie “Choose Life”

If we do not choose life, then life will choose us. We get to curate our days, if we take the time and space to design our lives on purpose. It’s totally logical, very easy to say, and not so easy to do. Why? Because businesses have invested millions in clever minds to distract us from what we are doing and spend time on our devices, giving our attention to….whatever else pings at us!

It’s time to take back the power of your attention and choose life!

So! What’s it to be? If you have a desire to be an excellent partner and you invest time and attention into your relationship as one of the first things you do every day, then you will nurture a meaningful and positive relationship. Right? Even if you’re not a morning person. If you’re doing that with your friends, then the same is true. Sending a voice note or showing you are thinking of someone with a small gesture, deposits into the emotional bank account. It builds up with interest over time! Literally! The more people in our lives feel we are interested in them and their lives, the more loved and connected we all feel. 

So that’s the big rocks. What about the other rocks, the sludge and grit, and the smooth sandy goodness? 

The medium rocks represent important things, but they’re a bit more day-to-day, like going to work or doing your further education course. The smaller rocks are things like prepping food, and doing your washing. Tiny grains of sand are the notifications on your phone, the emails that pop up, they are the seemingly urgent, non-stop stimulus. The grit and sludge? Well sometimes that gets in there, but if we fill the bucket with our intentions then we’ll be less inclined to think the sludge is our destiny!   

If we fill up our bucket with sand by responding to these notifications then our bucket will be full by the end of the day. We will not have done any of the most important things. Imagine that your biggest rock is keeping fit. Getting up in the morning to exercise means you’ve achieved your priority for the day. 

Is this just another hypey wellness thing?

In one of the longest-running studies of happiness, an experiment at Harvard university started in 1938, it was discovered that the quality of our relationships is the pivotal aspect of happiness. Allowing crucial space for our relationships will help us to maintain happiness and therefore improve our lives. We look into this in 2 of the core 4 Pillars of Happiness when we talk about the strength of our community network.

The people in our lives are transformative in how we show up, what we take action on, and what we believe is possible!

So if we have neigh sayers too close for too long, we will literally ditch our beloved dreams to keep them happy! That is how socially driven we are at our core. So be mindful about who you share your dreams and ideas with. Even those who love us can quash our dreams if they are filled with doubt about their own. So set your community network up with people who cheerlead you into believing more in yourself, and in what is possible when you let go of doubt and put that energy into committing to instilling self-belief, growing the skills required, and spur you on to show up as your best!

When we set ourselves up for success, then it becomes natural and inspiring to take action on big life goals. 

Sometimes it’s the most immediate stimulus that is the problem. Because it is ‘here’ and ‘right now’ and that crowds the mind and gets in the way. It seems much more urgent to reply to a notification because our phones are designed to seem urgent (and a great source of ‘dopamining’). You are not alone if you feel overwhelmed by that. So try setting a code of conduct for yourself so that you won’t look at your phone for the first and last hours of the day. Or that you will not look at it when eating, or in a face-to-face meet-up. If your goal is fitness training, then you could set up your fitness gear, plan the travel, pack lunch, and prepare the training program you want to do the night before to prime you and make it easy for yourself to take action. This is what builds confidence and self-belief over time. This exercise of putting your big rocks in first is a transformative way to be mindful and foster happiness and true fulfillment.

Do you think that is worth the initial grind of forming a new habit? In the next blog I’ll talk about habit stacking, the art of getting good at one thing before we pile on the next desirable habit. It makes achieving so much easier over time! And so much more satisfying as incremental steps create big change. Rather than expecting ourselves to change everything all at once. Which is not the proven method for lasting change. But right now here are three actions you can take to get your big rocks in the bucket 😉

How can I make my life effective and fulfilling?

1. Do the thing that will make the biggest impact long-term 

Think about the person you want to become. What is that person great at that you want to become great at? Choose that. And make the desire bigger than the discomfort. If your goal is prime fitness, then you know that some days getting out of bed and doing a workout is the worst thing you can think of! But, once you get there, you’re always glad you’ve done it, right? Make it interesting, inspiring somehow to help you get through the tough days. 

2. Don’t eat the frog! Take a bite of something sweet instead

You’ve heard the idea of eating the frog, right? This idea that we should do the biggest most foreboding task first thing in the morning so then it’s done, and the rest of the day will be easy. This is not only foreboding and less fun, but it actually is detrimental to neurodivergent people, or creative types, because it is not inspiring!

To brains powered by creativity and interest, you want to do something that makes you feel good. Something interesting has some kind of novelty or urgency. You can create these parameters and make something feel good by making it super achievable. Something that is recommended for ADHDers is to break a task down and do the smallest possible step towards success. What is one tiny thing you can do right now that will move you closer towards your big life dream? A phone call? A web search, a planning session? This is known as the smallest possible step (SPS). The great thing is that this tip also works for neurotypical brains too! 

3. Map out your day

In the embodied goals exercise as part of my course, we map out your day as an arc so that you are making sure that you’re structuring your day in a mindful way that flows with your natural energy.  For instance, I do all my strategy and my creativity in the morning. In the afternoon I have a bit of a lul with my energy where I am better at listening to others at this time, so this is when I see my clients. As an extrovert this charges me up again, plus i am a better listener at this time of day. 

It’s important not to try to force ourselves to be something that we’re not. I might be a morning person and you might be a night owl and that’s okay: you don’t have to push yourself into a morning person hole! You know, it’s not a round peg, square hole situation. This is really central to my course: working with and creating the best version of who you are.

Whatever your true values are, putting your big rocks in first will bring those out and allow you to move towards them in an authentic and frankly, more inspiring way! 

So choose the rocks that will make an impact, recognise your energy, and map your day with the big rocks first. This way, we aren’t filling up our buckets with sand.

There is such an illusion around this idea of perfection that we paint, that we need to somehow be more like someone or something else. But no, it’s time to be the brightest, shiniest, most unapologetic version of you! 

Cat is an ADHD life and business coach, yogipreneur and creator of the 4 Pillars of Happiness pathway. Cat’s work supports people and professionals to move from burnout to brilliance, manage their mental health, and step into a state of flow.

She speaks as a catalyst for change to breathe life into a counter-culture that transforms burnout to brilliance, loneliness to connection and success into happiness one day, one person, and one practice at a time. Cat has worked with over 25,000 clients across 11 countries from speaking to hosting retreats to diving deeper with clients through her coaching course.  She lives in Bristol where she loves to do acroyoga, live on an eco-village and run in the forest with her dog each day, and sometimes just walk.